When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
