youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
