I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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