Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
