you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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