You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Enjoy the penises
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
