thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
