Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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