I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also, beer. Big fan.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
