the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
