Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
