What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
