guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
