stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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