my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
