guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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