It's Friday. Sex?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
