I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
