Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Will exercising make me less horny?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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