Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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