mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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