hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
