I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
