his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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