Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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