i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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