It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Are we still banned from the library?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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