i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
