she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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