Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
