Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
