Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
MIDGETS
????
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
