you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
