Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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