this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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