I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
