By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Randomize
