I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
