This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
