Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
