i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
