so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
