can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you had me at cake vodka
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
