Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you never un-have a 4some
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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