Say something about gay babies.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
