I looked at my own cervix.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
