My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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