Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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