You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
