I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
