If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
