i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
