it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i think i have two assholes
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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