Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
