hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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