I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
